Testing

We were at the gastroenterologist today to try and figure out why you are spitting up so much and even more importantly why you have now had a cough for over 3 months. I don't know what I was expecting, but I definitely wasn't expecting the doctor to send us over for cystic fibrosis testing. I am sure it is just a precaution to explain the cough, but for some reason I am more nervous than I have been for the other tests that we have been sent to in the past. This condition would be a very tough one for all of us and I can't imagine you having to go through all that it entails. And while I will be praying that this isn't what is wrong, I also know that no matter what the Lord is by our side. He knows each of us individually. He knows you, Talmage, and he knows what you can handle in this life. We all have trials that we can learn from. None of us is exempt. This is His plan for us to learn and grow here on earth so that we can live with Him again. The upcoming weeks may be difficult, the not knowing is worse the knowing one way or the other. Once we know then we can figure out what steps we need to take. Just know that your mom and dad love you very much. We will always be here for you, always.

Sick

I feel so bad for you little man. You are sick once again. I don't know how much more one little body can take. You are only 4 months old and I think you have been sick for the past 3 months straight. You have had bronchiolitis twice, pneumonia twice and croup multiple times. Something about being outside at night and breathing in cold air for even a few minutes causes you to have a horrible croupy cough within hours. Not only that, but you cry the entire time we are outside. I am not sure if it is hurting your lungs or what but we are trying to figure it out. You have already seen a hemotologist and now you are scheduled to go to the asthma/allergy specialist, the gastroenterologist and to cranial technologies. Between you and Brigham I feel like I live at the doctor's office. It is a good thing I love your pediatrician. They feel like family since we are there so often.

I would do anything for you, Talmage. I just want you to feel better because I know that it doesn't feel good to be coughing all the time to the point that your little body shakes. It is the saddest thing I have ever seen. We are going to figure out what is going on so that you can be happy and healthy.

Despite the sickness and cough you are a smiley little guy. You love to look at people and have them talk to you, especially your family. You grin from ear to ear whenever we talk to you. It melts mommy's heart let me tell you, which is why you are completely spoiled rotten. Yes, you think you need to be held ALL THE TIME. I held you most of the day today even when you were sleeping because every time I put you down you woke up crying. I enjoyed watching you sleep. You smile a lot in your sleep and I always wonder what you are dreaming about. If only I could see in your little head because I am sure you are remembering heaven and wonderful things.

You have a very special spirit, Talmage and I just can't get enough of you. You have brought a special feeling to our home. I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father for helping you find your way home. We all love you Talmage!